I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize