is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize