I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
