Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
