What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize