My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
