When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
