I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
