First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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