peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
