your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
