I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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