i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
