I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
