Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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