no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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