Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
