Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
