k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
