Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
