so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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