Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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