Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
