dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
