I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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