Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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