Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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