No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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