Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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