This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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