Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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