i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
