Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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