It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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