I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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