Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My liver just broke up with me...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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