please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
