My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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