Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
