I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
