first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
