Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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