You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
