The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
