soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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