my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
