My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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