I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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