I didn't shave. On purpose
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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