i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
