Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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