i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
