it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
