I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
