When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
