i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
