if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
