how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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