tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The best revenge is premature balding
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
