I didn't shave. On purpose
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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