it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
