Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
