She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
