we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize