youre lurking in front of me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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