The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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