i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
