You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
