we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
