dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
