i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
