Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
this is an emotional support booty call
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize