so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
